Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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