Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
