I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i barfeds in our rink
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
