A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
