I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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