Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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