dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
