I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
