Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You don't make any sense
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