I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
