I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
