Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
