yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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