Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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