Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
