i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
