You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize