He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
