Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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