Porn is love you can see.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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