I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
