it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
