If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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