I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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