Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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