1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My room smells like vodka and shame
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
