When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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