He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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