I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
