I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
