I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize