life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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