I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
