I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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