I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
