3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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