He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
