i love accidental penises.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
