Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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