I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
