gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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