i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize