I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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