I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
