When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You did what with his pubic hair?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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