Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
