I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
