May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
