i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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