Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize