So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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