He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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