U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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