remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
