You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
