just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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