Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
