Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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