I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize