ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
