How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
