you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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