Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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