they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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