You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
