so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
