We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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