Please, let me fuck your mom
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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