I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
