My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
