Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
