there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
