so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
