haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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