Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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