Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
