i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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