I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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