I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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