I think I won the penis lottery.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
