She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
