Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
