you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
