i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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