Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
