He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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