People in love make me want to vomit
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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